Step down

That’s what they call it when they move you out of ICU here, but don’t have you in a regular room yet.  So we are sitting in the family waiting area having one of the family parties that Mom swore we’d been having the whole time she was here.  What she doesn’t know is that until now we have been too exhausted and traumatized to “party”.  We’re feeling a tad more festive now that it feels like she’s making a good step in the right direction.  I have so many stories to tell you, but only a few minutes right now.  Mostly, I’m getting more and more perspective on how precious life is.  It’s been very hard to watch people dealing with their sick children here.  I want to go home and squeeze mine. 

My sister and dad leave tomorrow, and I have my Aunt Sandra ’til Monday.  I don’t really know what will happen after that.  I try not to feel heavy with responsibility, because help keeps arriving just when we need it.  That whole “one day at a time” idea is taking on new meaning.  For now, I’ll just be glad to be away from ICU.  I’ll think about the rest tomorrow. 🙂

This too shall pass

A couple of people have used this phrase in encouragement over the past couple of days, and I actually think it’s one of the best things you can say to someone in my situation.  I am not one who normally wishes for time to fly, but this week, I find myself glad that it’s always moving.  Every hour that passes is one more in which things can get better.  Although there is always the possibility that they can get worse, odds are that we’ve already hit rock bottom and now we’re moving back up.

Most of you have been following the blog I’m using for updates on my Mom, and if you want details, you’ll have to go there.  Here, though, I feel like I can express a little more about what we’ve been going through.

Open heart surgery is hard.  This is an obvious statement that I had already heard, but until I had to watch my mother undergo this trauma, it hadn’t seemed so real.  I was actually pretty tough the first couple of days.  But last night I cracked.  We went back for our evening visit to the ICU and I had just really hoped for some encouragement.  They had removed the ventilator, which was a marked improvement, but her misery was still so apparent.  My brain knows that she will not remember these drug-filled days.  My heart can not come to terms with it.  The extremely slow recovery is going to be a difficult, emotional road.  One by one, family members are going to have to get back to their families and jobs.  All of them wish they could take this on themselves, and would if they could.  But she needed to be here, in Baltimore.  The weight of not knowing if I’ll be able to take care of her well enough is heavy.  And I must remind myself where my help comes from (Psalm 121).

Our hardest struggle has been the balance between getting rest and being at the hospital.  We seem to wear her out when we’re there.  She even managed to kick us out once.  But not being there induces a great deal of guilt gut.  I have no idea how to manage that.  I am aware that sitting in the waiting room for hours on end in case she opens her eyes is not the best way to go about things.  It’s what we all want to do though.  Especially, and understandably, my dad.  I suppose we’ll get better at figuring it out.

I suppose with every hour that passes, maybe things will get better.

Two Sisters One Heart

My mother’s heart is getting an upgrade this week.  She will be undergoing open heart surgery to hopefully remedy the effects that her Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardiomyopathy has had on her heart.  Besides that her heart is under great stress, her quality of life is so poor.  We are excited to have found such a talented team of doctors here at Johns Hopkins who are ready and able to help.  She will be recovering here in Maryland with me, and hopes to one day get back to Texas.  She’s already a little homesick  I think.

She’s all set for Wednesday, 10am.  My sister and I are going to try to keep everyone updated via this blog.

Bookmark it, subscribe to it, or whatever it is you do to blogs.  I’ve had so many people call to ask for updates, that we think this may be best.  (I didn’t forget you Uncle Robert!  Well, I guess I didn’t call so you could argue I did.  Sorry. :))

Again, here’s the actual web address: http://twosistersoneheart.wordpress.com/

I’ll probably still let some thoughts out here too.  Count on it.

ps. We do have a loving brother and our blog title is not meant to exclude him.  But he does seem to be allergic to this sort of thing.  Besides, Two Sisters, One Brother, and our Mom’s Heart was a much more tedious title.

Camp Funcle

Stu is the “fun uncle” in our family (with my sister and brother’s kids).  He always has been.  Mostly because he loves kids and kids kind of pick up on that sort of thing.  The other uncles have jabbed him in the past about it, and eventualy, somehow, his name became Funcle Stu.  Funcle for short.  For the first time ever, we were able to get the 2 oldest nephews here from Dallas and Chicago for several days for some quality Funcle time, and Camp Funcle was born.  The boys have played hard, and even worked hard this week.  Stu and I have gained a new appreciation for those of you who are parenting pre-teens.  I suppose we all felt that our intelligence was superior at that age, but it’s still surprising to see our sweet nephews adjust to their newfound  enlightenment. 🙂  They have seen DC, been to a Nats game, eaten whatever they want (don’t get me started), played Xbox (I feel like Stu is enjoying that part alot too), watched movies, had an inpromptu visit to a slip-n-slide bouncehouse, and more.  Blake has been in heaven and the boys have loved having him as a shadow even more than I expected.

As for the work, they had an important job to do as well.  Most of you know that Mom has moved back into the basement in preparation for her heart surgery at Hopkins this coming Wednesday (more on that soon).  She can’t navigate the stairs well in the house, due to the fact that she just doesn’t get enough air.  The basement is a walk-out though, and the back yard backs up to a street where I can pick her up and drop her off to minimize stair climing.  There is a slight decline though, so we needed about 4 stairs to be built into the hill.  The grandkids were pumped at the idea of doing such an important job for Nana, but to say they worked might require the use of air quotes.  🙂 They have thoroughly enjoyed staying downstairs with their Nana, and I think the quality time with her grandkids has been priceless.

Also worth mentioning: Family Monopoly.  The game began at 9pm last night and wasn’t finished until 2am this morning.  Our family dynamics made the game all that more fascinating.  Papa won in the end (no surprise there), but kudos to Andrew for hanging with him for so long!