Timehop is walking me through each day, leading up to the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. I was so very committed to keeping everyone up to date, therefore so many small details are captured in this journey. Part of me hates it and part of me loves it. But, it is growing significantly more difficult to watch as the day (2 days away) approaches. It’s like watching a movie that you’ve seen before, but hoping that this time it will end differently. You see the characters walking towards their fate and you’re going, “No!! Don’t do that!! She’ll die!” It’s growing more horrible. Today is the day that, exactly one year ago, a doctor did the procedure on my mother that ended up killing her. I wrote on Facebook, “They just called us back to look at her insides during her procedure, LIVE. Well, I can never unsee that.”
What I want to yell at my one-year-ago-self is: “Stop them! They are screwing up at this exact moment!!” this isn’t a movie, and this isn’t happening right now. This is a year ago. And God had not forgotten us. Thankfully, He still hasn’t.
It was an honest mistake. One that was fixable for most people. But we couldn’t fix it with Mom. There were too many complications. So, two days later, we said goodbye.