April Fools!

Every April Fools, we celebrate another year in our first home together. Seriously. Eight years this year. And now, well, in just a few days, we will put that house on the market. We’ve been looking for our next home, to no avail. Yes, I’m kind of nervous. It feels like gambling- selling your house without one to move into. I am not so into gambling. The only time I went to Vegas, I won a lot of money at Blackjack, promptly left, and used it to pay for my hotel room. But, as it turns out, no one wants to sell you one until you’ve sold your other house. Unless you have a (CASH) money tree, which we do not.

Also, April Fool’s is the day that our home study is updated annually. I wonder, for how many years? And will it be funny every year, that this was the day our adoption home study was approved? Heaven knows that last year was NOT the year for us to adopt a baby, as badly as we wanted one. Last year was the year for major neck surgery and hospitalizations for migraines and my mom’s miserable illness and subsequent passing. Last year was HORRIBLE. Last year, there were a few times that I was so severely incapacitated, I wondered if we had actually lost our minds by perusing this whole adoption journey. After my mom’s death, on top of my own physical limitations, I spent months trying to pull myself out of my grief and remorse. But, in my doubt, I’m always brought back to what I know is true: We prayed and prayed for guidance about this adoption. No matter what happens in the future, or what trials we face, I have been reminded so many times to not doubt the path that God so very clearly put us on. Here is what I thought of on repeat during my week in the hospital, while I wondered what God had planned for us: “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable” Roman’s 11:29. “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6

Also, oddly, this has come up in my scripture reading, devotions, and soul searching so much recently, that I am paying attention. Ephesians 6:12: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” Are we being tried, in hopes that we will break? In hopes that we will give up this dream of our baby? It’s a good effort, because I have come close. I remembered recently how aggressively these headaches started pushing in as we began our adoption training, so long ago, and I pondered the coincidence.

I wonder where it all goes from here. But I know that no trial is without purpose. A respected deacon in our church came up to me and said that Sunday, so quickly, and with his thick accent, that I almost didn’t understand him. I didn’t even know he had been praying. “It’s not without purpose.” He said, smiling.

Weeks ago, while we were in the middle of our home study “interview” (I don’t know what it’s called), to update our certification, we were walking our social worker through the house, chatting about all kinds of things. B was playing alongside us, and listening to a random Pandora station we’d set up for him. As we were wrapping up, The Hubs and I both heard our adoption song come on. Neither of us had heard it in so long, and it was playing so quietly in the background that I’m sure she couldn’t even hear it. But we knew immediately, and locked eyes, and teared up like fools. Obviously, I like me some symbolism, and that was pretty good stuff. We must have looked crazy, trying to act like we were ridiculously happy about something else we were chatting about, when we were really thinking, “That’s our baby song playing while our baby lady is here!!”

It’s all enough to keep us going for another year.

So, here we go! Seriously.

PS. Our Song:

Home (Phil Phillips)

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

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2 thoughts on “April Fools!

    • Isn’t it the best?? When he first found it, we just sat and listened to it, crying. It’ll make a great lullaby. Love you Nad!!

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