My man and I spent a very productive Saturday at the National Council for Adoption (NCFA) Potential Adoptive Parents Conference. Blah. I need a drink a water just for getting that out. We agreed afterwards that another name for every single session could have been “It Depends”. It’s the answer to every question regarding adoption. Everything depends. It depends on the laws in your state, in the state the baby was conceived, in the state the baby will be delivered, and in the state where the homestudy will be completed. It depends on what the birth mother wants and what you want. It depends on the policies at your particular agency. It all depends on your particular situation. Of course it does, and that’s ok. It just got funny. Really funny.
This day was mostly a great encouragement. We pulled out of the Gaylord Hotel and Conference Center feeling much better prepared to enter the adoption process. As I mentioned in my last post, it was truly the turning point in which I said goodbye to getting pregnant and hello to adoption. It feels so good to be on a new path and to let go of the sadness of the old one. We feel closer to choosing an agency than we did before, too (narrowed down to 2?). Although I have to say, I had hoped that by this morning I would know, conclusively, what agency we were going to use. There are still some unanswered questions that have to be established before we can make a decision. One of the concerns was a bit of a surprise to us, so I’m going to address it to no one in particular.
An attorney for one agency spoke with us and found that we have a biological child already (which puts us in the minority in this crowd). She said that that puts us at a real disadvantage as far as being chosen by a birth mother. She explained that most birth mothers want their baby to be the first, the special gift. They worry, especially, that their baby can not be loved by me as much as my biological child. How could I blame her, when this used to be my greatest fear?
But, Dear birth mother, it’s not a fear of mine anymore. I have other fears. I have other great big concerns and worries. But wondering if your biological child will be accepted in my family as mine…that is no longer one of them anymore. I don’t know what changed, except maybe God. In fact, there are some things that make my family a very special place for an adopted child to grow up. Do you know how badly my boy wants to be a big brother? Before Blake was born, Stu and I didn’t know what to expect. We didn’t know that our hearts could feel like they might literally burst with love for a child. We always had a desire to be parents, but jokingly referred to it as this job that just takes and takes. Let’s face it, kids don’t really give back much. 🙂 Now we understand the innate, inexplicable joy that comes from having a child. Dear birth mother, I think that already having a child means that just maybe, we already love your baby even MORE, because we know the joy that comes with family! I wonder if some birth mother will give us a chance, even though we already have a son?
I guess it depends.