Run Run Run, As fast as you can!

Ok, so I don’t really run that fast. In fact, it would be more appropriate to call what I do a “brisk jog.” My running career has been tedious and littered with stumbling blocks (hip injury, broken toe, surgery, blah, blah, blah). I have started the 9 week training program, Couch to 5k three times now, and never completed it. Still, I’m determined to. I just finished Week 6, Day 2, and while I don’t want to jinx it, I think I may just finish it this time! After I finish it, I want to keep advancing.

I’ve always wanted to be a runner. It started because I wanted to burn more calories than I consumed (no small feat). I also chose running because we can no longer fund that gym membership, but we own a treadmill. After my too long recovery from surgery in January, though, I had a fresh motivation. Having to lay around for weeks gave me new appreciation for the luxury of being active. I came to the conclusion that, as long as I am capable of running, I will do it. What a waste, to be walking around in this healthy body, and not make the most of it?!

This morning, around 3am, I had yet another realization. I’m running from something. I thought of my friend and former co-worker, whose blog inspires me. I have the impression, although I can’t remember where she said it, that she initially started running because she needed an escape from the stress of her life. Her husband was very sick and she needed something that she could control. Running reminded her that her body was powerful. When I was awakened to the painful cramping that reminds me every month, like clockwork, that I’m infertile, my first thought was that I wanted to go for a run. This business of waiting is difficult, and I need to remember that my body is capable of so much, and that I can control some things. 2 months ago I starting taking it to the streets (I was a treadmill lover before), and I realized out there that I love being alone with my thoughts and my music. The thing I do most while I run is pray. God alone controls whether or not my body is capable even of putting one foot in front of the other and when I’m doing it, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude to Him. Which makes me realize that even running isn’t something I control. Anything could happen to take that from me. What I control is my choices. Whether or not to use my able body is my choice. Whether or not to be grateful for what I do have, or complain about what I’m not getting is my choice. Every day we are faced with choices, and our behavior is the only control we have in life.

So, while I ran my little 2.5 miles this morning, I told God that I still trust Him. I praised Him yet again, because I know that His love for me is beyond my comprehension, and well beyond my wants. It’s Easter Week, and I’m reminded that Jesus Christ conquered death for us, so that I have nothing to fear in this whispy breath of a life, which is enormously freeing. So I will keep on. I will remind myself of Jeremiah 29:11-13: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'”

I wish I knew whether He plans to give us another baby, but I do know that He’s a father who gives good gifts, and that He knows what is best for this little family. So, we wait.

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