Have you ever heard that term? I have a friend that uses it to describe when she’s a mess, and I love it.
I’ve been a soup sandwich for the past 2 days. As in, I cry almost every time I sit still. The sinus headache is killing me, but the natural botox is refreshing. My eyes have swelled away any signs of crows feet.
On Saturday, I found myself at the usual level of sad when I found out that I wasn’t pregnant. I was not distraught. Just a little sad. The next day, I got a note from a friend. She’s an old friend (like, we go way back kinda old- not geriatric old) who I think the world of. If it wasn’t for the wonders of facebook, though, we might not be in touch today. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg. Anyways, this friend has been blessed with 4 beautiful children (I told you my friends were like bunnies), and frankly, if you were to ever meet a family and hope that they would populate the world, it would be hers. Her spirit is beautiful. And yet…when she announced her 5th pregnancy, I found it nearly impossible to congratulate her. Instead, I cried for myself. On top of everything, her due date was the same as mine was going to be from 2 months ago. December 17th. Stu’s birthday.
On Sunday, she sent a note to me telling me that she had posted this to her blog. Ashley is suffering a miscarriage. She wrote about it again yesterday. I have spent days mourning and I can hardly clarify what for. Her baby? Yes. My baby? Maybe. But in all honesty, I think I’m mourning for hers, as odd as it sounds. I didn’t have time to feel attached to my baby. I knew I was pregnant for only one day. She had weeks. But God also, in His great sovereignty, is teaching me an important lesson:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15
I will, by the grace of God, never let my selfishness ever keep me from rejoicing for someone else again. I know that my jealously had no bearing on Ashley’s pregnancy. But, I did miss out on an amazing opportunity to share joy with someone. That’s the stuff of life.
I’ve now cried all over my puppy, who is sitting in my lap and completely baffled.