You know you have issues when…

…this is the highlight of your shopping trip:

Are you getting this?! 3 EPT tests for $6! I’m guessing that would cost around $20 anywhere else. Which leads me to a very important question… Why are more people not shopping at Big Lots? I’m in love. With savings.

This, of course, leads to other important questions. Buying pregnancy tests in bulk indicate major problems. And this month, I didn’t end up needing one anyways. Which is actually a blessing. If I’m not going to be pregnant, I always appreciate my period showing up on time, or early, thankyouverymuch. I’m very regular, so even being one day late causes hopes to soar to dangerous levels.I was 2 days early this month, Stu woke up to all of the telltale signs of disappointment: A heating pad, the snack, and the bottle of Advil strewn around me in bed. Yup. I almost always start in the night. Last night I tossed and turned while dreaming about being in so much pain. I dreamed I was injured, trying to get to the hospital. In my dream I was trying to find some kind of pain medication. I was desperate. I wonder how long I dreamed this before I finally woke up and realized that the pain was real.

It hurts inside and outside. But it’s no longer surprising. I really do think I’m getting to a place where I’ve stopped hoping. Not trying, but hoping. I know many of you can relate to this. Hope can just be so painful. And, while it may sound like I’m just wallowing, I simply feel like maybe I’m being realistic. This is obviously not happening, right?

Things might seem different tomorrow. We’ll see.

🙂

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