I’m sad that I have another story for you which involves poop. I really am. But, you’ve been warned.
Today was a rainy, dark, muggy day. I thought for sure B would nap. But instead, he found many other things to do from the confines of his bed. One of them was to fill his diaper. note to self: pottytrain!! I could smell this diaper from the hallway (with the door closed!). When I went to change him I noticed that it had leaked everywhere. Normally that is reason enough to flip out, but it was also bright red. All of it. I changed him, cleaned him up, changed sheets, all while keeping my cool and mostly wanting to scream, “Why is there blood in your stool??!?!?” Of course, I called his pediatrician immediately. I had already racked my brain for anything he could’ve eaten, but frankly, in all my 3 years of diaper changing, I’ve never seen this brilliant shade of red. I called his preschool to ask if maybe he ate red playdough? Red paint? Please tell me he ate something red! I called Stu, to see if he could remember anything. Nothing. The doctor was understandably alarmed. We already had an appointment for flu shots that night (btw-ouch), so she said to bring in the diaper (ew) and they would test it. This gave me 2 hours to imagine what was wrong with my baby. A dear friend advised me not to google it. Um, duh, already did. She’s right though, I shouldn’t have.
Finally, at 5:30, we are on our way to the doctor. Stinky diaper was triple bagged in my purse, and I’m positive I could still smell it. B is happily singing along to whatever’s on the radio. I look at him in the rearview mirror and my sweet boy flashes me the most adorable, giant smile. I think to myself, “Poor kid is red all over. That red velvet cake stained his teeth red and his hiney is stained red too.” And then, I pull over the car to put it all together. Red teeth?! How the fruitnut did I forget that I let my child eat a red velvet cupcake for breakfast?! And who knew that his body could dislike food coloring with such intensity?!
So, I had to explain to the doctor that, although B normally consumes a very healthy diet, I gave him cake for breakfast. And then forgot that I did it.
Speaking of forgetting. I just realized that that diaper is still in my purse. Have. mercy.