Then what to my wondering eyes should appear…

An unidentified package!  Here is a story I must tell.  Can’t not tell it.  And the moral is: my man will protect his family at all costs.  He’s just that kind of guy.  Be jealous. 

We’re eating dinner tonight, listening to the ice tap tap tap against the windows.  The doorbell rings.  Hmmm, that’s weird.  Stu opens the door to see what appears to be a delivery guy walking away.  He looks down.  There’s a box.  Stu yells, “Thanks!”  The guy waves as he walks into the night.  Stu picks the box up to pull it into the house.  This is when he makes the announcement: “This box isn’t addressed to anyone”.

dum dum duuummmmm.

There’s no “to” “from”.  Something rattles around in it when we shake it.  Stu quickly puts it back out on the front porch.  My inclination is to solve the mystery by opening the package, but alas, we watch too much tv.  Why would a big anonymous package be showing up at our house??  A friend dropping off a Christmas present (if so, why the unfamiliar delivery guy?)?We continue to debate opening it and decide to play, “WWBD?”  We call the wisest person we know and one of our dearest friends, Brian, and explain the situation.  Should we call the police?  The FBI?  He laughs.  He would open it.  OK, Stuart unwillingly concedes.  But not after he goes down to his toolbox and hands me a mask and protective eyewear.  I’m still on the phone with Brian, guffawing at this point.  He refuses to open the box until I protect my lungs and eyes.  I do, but first I get the camera (at Brian’s urging). 

Here’s the scene:





What is it, you ask? 

A Christmas present ordered from Target.  The address label was on the bottom.


8 thoughts on “Then what to my wondering eyes should appear…

  1. LOL. I’ve done something similar, but I can’t recall the exact anecdote right now. I’ll think of it and let you know. I know you’re waiting with bated breath.

  2. Oh my goodness! That’s the best laugh I’ve had in quite some time! Not only were the pictures priceless, but your narrative was brilliant!!

  3. Frankly, I’m shocked. No- amazed. Confounded!!

    Stu attempts to protect himself from the unknown and very plausible dangers that lurk inside the non-descript brown cardboard box, full of who knows what. He has donned the requisite eye protection and anthrax-approved inhalation mask, only to leave his hands, the closest bodily part totally unprotected? I don’t get it!!! Where are the gloves? At the very least a cheap pair of cotton gardening gloves would have been used. Preferably a set of leather work gloves, and if you were really concerned about protecting yourself for the good of your family and friends, you would have procured the heavy duty, industrial-strength, 20 mil rubber gloves. I’m thinking that he should be reported to the Worldwide Institute for Maniacal Package-openers (WIMP).

    What on earth was he thinking?

  4. Oh my goodness! I just read the entry for a second time, and literally had tears in my eyes from laughter! That is so funny I can’t stand it!!!

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