The funniest thing I’ve heard all day

*Don’t read this if you are easily grossed out.  Or if you don’t have kids and might want them someday.  hahaha.

I have just had the most wonderful afternoon playing with my baby outside, and just put him down for a nap.  I go to check my email and had something from Chris Garza, yay!  Christopher and his wife Lana, are newly pregnant and understandably excited.  They are going to be such great parents!!  Anyways, this is an excerpt from the email:

Anyhow, the real reason that I wanted to write you is to tell you about my parenting warmup that I had this morning.  Lana and I are staying at her sister’s place since we still dont have electricity at our apartment.  Well Lana and Amy and Scott all had to work today, as did I, but I didn’t have to report in until  10:00 a.m.  They had to be in at 8:00 a.m. So I offered to babysit until I had to leave at 9:30, at which point the neighbor would come and relieve me of my duties.  So I hadtwo hours, that’s it, two hours.  Simple enough huh?  Weeeeeell, Abby decided to be just fine until about 9:00, at which point she decided to recreate the atomic bomb in her diaper.  If only her diaper would have been big enough to contain the chaos!  That stuff was everywhere!  I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I came out she was covered!  She had it in her hair, all over her clothes, all over her arms, legs, face, and hands, and all over her Boppy seat.  So I took a deep breathand hauled her into her room to change her.  I got her in there and got her clothes off, and then she just kept going.  OMG!  How can that much stuff come from such a little angel?  Well to make a long disgusting story short, I threw up in the toilet and then proceeded to get anything she was touching or near at the time into the washing machine for decon.  I know I know, I have one on the way and I cant change a poopoo diaper without throwing up.  As funny as it might be to everyone else, it was quite a traumatic experience for me.  I hope that I get better at this, which I am sure I will, but that was g-r-o-s-s!  So there you go, your laugh for the day.  I am sure your sister would have fun with that one. 

I want to mention that being a parent yourself will not make you “better” at dealing with those experiences.  Sorry.  I only tell you that because it sounds like you think this will make you some sort of bad parent.  The poop will stink whether it’s your child or not.  This brought back a vivid memory of Stu and I literally cutting the poop-drenched clothes off of Blake in the bathtub and manually trying to scrape it off of him.  I don’t understand the logistics either, Chris.  They are just drinking MILK for crying out loud.  How do their sweet little bodies turn it into something so wretched??  And in such quantity?  The good news is, even though it will inevitably happen with your own child (I don’t know anyone with kids who doesn’t have one of these stories-and yet they never get old), it doesn’t happen all the time.  I think we had 2 bad bad bad diapers in Blake’s infancy.  Of course, there are other weird gross experiences your child will put you through (some involving poop, some other bodily fluids)-but we will save that for another blog.  And yes, my sister will like this.

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5 thoughts on “The funniest thing I’ve heard all day

  1. Man, in hindsight that whole situation is hilarious. I cant wait for our little one to be here…or should I enjoy my sanity while it lasts?

  2. Oh wow… I LOVE this story. Because I know it will happen to me, it’s only a matter of time. I have heard so many tales of atomic poop coming from babies that I’m just waiting for the day I find our girl giggling and covered in her own crap.

    🙂 miss you!

  3. Oh, sweet Chris, why does he think that I would think that story is so great? (between giggles).
    Well, yes, the poop, and projectile vomit, they will happen, as my sister has learned and mentioned, but I disagree with her in one thing…
    I think your own kids stink less than others 🙂
    There is just something about it being your own that makes it different.
    Not to say there will not be gagging and such on your part, but I swear, I’ve held my Gall babies through thick and thin, chunky, and watery, but when other kids do it…ICKth.
    AND…My promise to you as a parent and friend, the smiles and such, make all the poop clean up worth it…so hard to explain until you get that chunk of LOVE in your home.
    Chris and Lana are going to make AWESOME parents.
    I’ll get started on the Garza Gold star chart, cause he just earned one with that email 🙂

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